You Need That Rite of Passage Before You Can Continue On...

Yeah, this is about me. I don't know why, exactly I'm blogging. I guess I'd rather have my thoughts written down instead of their cluttering my brain. I'd much prefer calm winds to the category 4 hurricane that's currently battering my synapses. It's easy to tell yourself to relax, that everything will be fine. It's the believing it that I'm having trouble with. I guess I got more than my new name from my mom; I also got her ability to worry about things. I'm a worrier...no doubt about it. Drives my partner nuts. Thank the gods she puts up with me.

So, what have I got to worry about? In less than a week I get put into that drugged-induced oblivion of anesthesia and wake up with a new body. A better body (in my way of thinking) to be sure, but still, a new body. (I sure hope it comes with an owner's manual. ) I'm a kinesthetic learner. I need to get the "feel" of things. Just reading things and talking with others? That doesn't do it. To wake up with new sensations, never before experienced (well, for me)...that's what's getting me. I know what's being done. I know this needs to be done. It's that taking a step into the unknown that I'm having trouble wrapping my mind around. I've never been comfortable when let loose in the mystery. It tends to swallow me up.

You're looking at a person who rides the brakes going down a steep hill on her bike because she doesn't like to go too fast. You won't find this person walking out on that clear platform that juts out from atop the Sears Tower (or whatever they call it now). Six Flags ranks up there as one of my least favorite places to go.

The first time I went to a high element ropes course with friends my feet stayed firmly planted on the ground. And yet when we drove away I was really mad at myself for not having made an effort. I was lucky in that I had another chance to go back and try some of those adventure challenges. I remember climbing up that tree and inching my way out to the edge of a wooden platform. Suspended six feet in front of me was a trapeze bar, the idea being to jump out and try to grab it. Knowing that I was tied into a rope system and that if I missed I'd be safely let down was not comforting. I knew I'd be ok. But still.... After standing and staring for 20 minutes, I finally jumped. Having missed the bar, I was slowly let down to the ground by a person to whom I trusted my life. Was it fun? Not particularly. It was something I needed to do. I learned that I do have it within me to face challenges that may seem daunting or overwhelming. (Later I became a facilitator at the ropes course to help people like me face the mystery.)

So here I am again standing at the edge of a platform. It's taken me 58 years to get here. And I don't even have to try to catch a bar. All I have to do is jump off and know that I'll be in the most capable hands of Dr. Marci Bowers. And when I wake up, once more I'll be on solid ground, safe and sound, my new life ahead of me.



Note: There's a wonderful song by Scottish singer/songwriter Dougie Maclean called Rite of Passage. I've always found it to be inspirational and plan on borrowing heavily from the lyrics.